Should I break up with him? Will he think I am pulling the God card? We have been together for so long, everyone thinks we are perfect. But I love him! AND HE IS SUuuuuCH A GREAT GUY!! We go to church together, we pray together, it is so perfect!…
I have been leading a college small group for girls for 5 years now…and I LOVE IT! I love the deep discussion, the hilarious games, the late night talks, and the realness. BUT there is always one area that is never easy to discuss. Dating.
I always have girls who have found the one. He is amazing and loves Jesus and her daddy loves him and it’s perfect! I have girls who have been alone “FOREVER” and they will “NEVER EVER FIND HIM”…”UGH all the good ones are taken…”. They don’t know I know this but they use the previous (all the good ones are taken) as an excuse to talk to or flirt with the bad ones who aren’t taken. PUMP. THE. BREAKS. LADIES. TERRIBLE IDEA. TERRIBLE. *If you mess with a snake you are going to get bit.* I have girls who have been with the same guy since they were a freshman in highschool and the hopes and dreams of being high school sweethearts is something they will never give up. And every year I have girls who compromise their beliefs, their standards, their purpose, and their purity because they are not willing to wait for the one.
If you were to ask me my opinion and standards of dating I would tell you this.
1. Dating before you are 16 is POINTLESS… and if we are being real honest dating in high school is pretty much useless, i’ll save that for another day.
Ok back to the whole purpose of this post. How do I know what to look for in a spouse? How do I know if I am dating the right person? Should I break up with who I am dating? Let’s find out…
5 TRAITS OF A GODLY MAN
- A Godly man will be in God’s word.
There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. The same goes for women. How can we be Godly if we don’t know God? And what better way to get to know God then through the words He spoke? If a guy shows up at church without his bible, and doesn’t engage with the sermon, there is your sign. If he’s not engaged with God’s word publicly at church, he will not be engaged with it in private. A man that loves the Lord will love His word, and you will see that in his everyday life, you will hear it when he speaks. His commitment in this area will directly affect you both as a couple, and any future children. I love hearing Russ talk about the Lord and the scriptures he has studied. I can not wait to see Ezra watching his daddy dig into the words of God.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.
– Psalm 1:2
2. A Godly man will not compromise your purity.
If we are being honest about 70% of you now have a lump in your throat because this happens every time you are together. *Now I will preface this by saying what I stated previously, we are human, we are made for sex, therefore if we put ourselves in situations that can lead to sex (or other things that happen, that wouldn’t happen with worship music on) then we are going to fail every time.* A Godly man will not only avoid touching you inappropriately but he will avoid putting you both in a position that could lead to impurity. If a guy, boyfriend, or fiance touches you in a sexual way then he is not ready to guard your heart or pursue you through the eyes of Jesus. A perceived “loving” touch is easy to overlook as no big deal. In reality this is sexual tension on the guy’s part. These seemingly harmless flirtations are compromise, and they are an insult and disrespect to you as a pure, godly young woman. A man that does not respect your personal space and your physical being is not ready to pursue you because he has yet to master his sexuality, and discipline himself in purity. He is not protecting himself, or protecting your purity physically and emotionally. He has no right to be intimately close to you. Only your husband has that God given right. Watching a guy’s physical proximity to you will reveal how well he manages his own body, desires, and how genuine his affections are for you. A man that loves you will protect you, even from himself. If you are in a relationship where this is happening you need to have a talk with your significant other. ” I am not comfortable with what we are doing in our relationship, this is where I am with Jesus and therefore I need this to stop. I don’t want us to put ourselves in a position to fall into temptation anymore.” If he doesn’t step up, respect, or does not honor this conversation….RUN!!!
For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion..
– 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
3. A Godly man will openly pray.
This goes back to the first point in a sense because a man that is in God’s word will also be a man of prayer. The two go hand-in-hand. What is in our heart naturally proceeds from our mouth, and plays out in our actions. Prayer ( and studying the word ) is a way that we cultivate our relationship with Christ. A spiritually mature man will openly and confidently pray. Men are called by God to be the leaders of their household, and this includes prayer. You want a man that will boldly lead you in prayer, because the foundation of your relationship is your commitment to God, and how do we cultivate our relationship with Him? Through prayer. Now I will say praying one on one can become something romantic in my opinion. Do I think it is wrong to pray together? No. Do I think you should hold hands and be so close you can smell the aftershave on his face when you pray. Definitely Not.
Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving..
– Colossians 4:2
4. A Godly man will cultivate and pursue a relationship with your family.
When you marry someone you don’t just get them. You get their family too. This is twofold. You get their family in traits that they as an individual carry over. You also get their family for holidays, dinners, babysitting etc.. There are many ways in which your new extended family will be present in your life. Your family knows you best. Your closest relationships are with family members; your mom, dad, your sister. So then, a guy that is serious, and mature, will not only purpose to know you but purpose to know your family as well. Your family is part of you, and a guy that is serious will want to know all of you. Your family is part of that. If a guy has no or little interest in knowing your family, that should be a huge red flag to you. He is essentially saying, with his actions, that he doesn’t truly desire or intend to know you fully.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her..
– Ephesians 5:25
5. A Godly man encourages your walk with the Lord, he desires for you to put God first.
Your relationship with Jesus is everything. A man who is seeking Jesus will cultivate your walk with the Lord because he is cultivating his. He will not be jealous because he knows that when you put God first, everything falls into place. He knows what God expects of each of you as individuals and you as a couple, and he will encourage you to place the Lord above all else. He will strengthen your walk with the Lord and you will have a desire to continuously become closer to Jesus because he is getting closer to Jesus. He will encourage you to go to church, to attend a small group, and go to conferences.
In my opinion the bottom line is if you feel yourself falling further from Jesus rather then running closer to Him because of a relationship. GET OUT NOW. The immediate feelings and desires of “having a relationship” are not worth losing the only relationship that matters. Your heart is beautiful and you are a daughter of the King. Do not let anyone tell you different. Do not settle because “he is a good guy that goes to church”.
I can type all of this because I have lived it. I was in a relationship for 5 years. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life was break that off, it broke me in ways I will never be able to explain. But God has plans for us that only He can see. I have dated good guys who go to church and love Jesus BUT I am married to a man who goes to church and weeps during worship. A man who holds my hand while he prays over our son. A man who will not let me go to sleep angry or broken. A man who has my back and pushes me to be better. A man who would not let us be alone in any situation while we were dating. A man who asked my dad if he could pursue me. A man who provides for me and loves me fiercely. A man who has NEVER raised his voice at me no matter how many times I have deserved it. A man who does the dishes and folds my clothes when I am overwhelmed. A man who has cried with me. A man who gets up at 430 am to seek Jesus in the quiet. I have been where you guys are. I have to draw a line and make the ultimate decision, “I will not settle. I want you Jesus and all of you”.
“God knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future…” Jeremiah 29:11
Pursue the Lord with all of your heart, and be content where he has you. This will give you a clear mind and eye to see a guy whose heart has been captured by Christ. If you place your heart in God’s hands, you can trust Him to place it in the hands of a worthy man. He is faithful. I will leave you with four words….
Please, Do Not Settle.